Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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