Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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