This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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