I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
