i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
