i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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