Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
