I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
