Quick, to the slutcave!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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