Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
