Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
