She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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