Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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