You're so nebulous sometimes
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
