apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
it's like iHOP with fire
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
