I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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