I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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