What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
