i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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