I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
