return my video game
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
