I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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