it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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