By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
