The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
