I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
