Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
PANTIES FOUND
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