Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
