Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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