In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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