Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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