R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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