Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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