I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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