chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
