college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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