Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
