There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize