i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
