We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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