Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Randomize
