Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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