you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
