i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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