the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize