Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
