I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
