i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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