If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
