OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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