Where is the hickey?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
