i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
