Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
