You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
