butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
