drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
