toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
