That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
