who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
