Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
