and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
