Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
