I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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