woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
