white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
