maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
