u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
