There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
