I wish I could punch you in the face.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
